I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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