Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
