I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
