ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You made out with two different species that night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
