Umm I'm too high to move.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
