He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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