Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
