there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
