i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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