She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
