just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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