Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
