i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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