My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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