You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
