Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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