Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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