Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and she was petting her beer can
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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