I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
