I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you win again, gameday.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We need to feng shui this bitch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
