Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
