she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
