why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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