I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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