its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
