i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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