You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
