Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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