I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
