I love black thongs
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
