MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
