i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
