you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
These tits shall not be calmed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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