wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
