I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
