Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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