and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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