Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
