so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
