No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
