Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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