just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
