drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
