ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
