How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
