Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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