Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
