Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
