The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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