My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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