I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
