I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
