I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
